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*This transcript was automatically generated by AI and may contain errors. *
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[00:00:13 – 00:00:22] My brother and sisters, there is somebody called Ed Battista and he has written some things
[00:00:22 – 00:00:27] very eloquently and he has coined his phrase called the tyranny of feelings, the tyranny
[00:00:27 – 00:00:35] of feelings and he describes it as follows. He says the tyranny of feelings consists of believing
[00:00:36 – 00:00:42] that my feelings are justified because they are my feelings. My feelings are justified because
[00:00:42 – 00:00:49] they are my feelings. My feelings at this moment take precedence over all other considerations.
[00:00:49 – 00:00:59] I have the right to express my feelings any way I see fit and if I believe that you are causing my feelings,
[00:00:59 – 00:01:08] you are obligated to modify your behavior in order to align with my desired emotional state.
[00:01:10 – 00:01:20] Now effectively it means that he says that as we said here my feelings are supreme and
[00:01:22 – 00:01:30] if I’m not feeling good and if I believe that you are the reason for that, then you must change
[00:01:30 – 00:01:38] your behavior so that I feel good. Now Ed Battista says this very nicely. He says that this is the
[00:01:38 – 00:01:46] benefit of the newborn child, of a very young child because that child is actually incapable
[00:01:46 – 00:01:53] of taking care of itself. If it is left, it will perish. So it needs to attract attention
[00:01:53 – 00:02:06] and it needs to dominate the moment and force the caregiver, whoever it is, to give it care.
[00:02:07 – 00:02:16] So the child will do anything that it takes to get that attention and to get that caregiver
[00:02:16 – 00:02:26] to do what this child wants. So this is the problem. Now therefore,
[00:02:30 – 00:02:34] however, the problem is when you carry this forward into your adulthood,
[00:02:36 – 00:02:45] adulthood, with a young child one understands this but with adults this becomes a major problem.
[00:02:45 – 00:02:51] Now if you see, if you think about it, what does this have to do? For example,
[00:02:53 – 00:02:57] I’ll tell you ways in which this is counterproductive and bad. For example,
[00:03:00 – 00:03:10] if you encounter a person who disagreed with you or if you encounter somebody who gives you some
[00:03:10 – 00:03:18] adverse feedback, your teacher, your parent, your superior, your friend, your colleague,
[00:03:18 – 00:03:24] gives you some feedback about your behavior which is itself negative and they tell you that,
[00:03:24 – 00:03:29] this kind of behavior is not good for you, not good for anybody else, it’s going to cause you hurt.
[00:03:32 – 00:03:39] The tendency of people is that I’m no longer your friend because you are not saying things to me
[00:03:39 – 00:03:47] that I like. I don’t like this teacher because the teacher is not giving me supreme importance
[00:03:48 – 00:03:55] and so forth. So you close the doors to your own development, you close the doors to your own
[00:03:57 – 00:04:05] learning. I give you a short, a very, very quick self-test to see whether you are in this
[00:04:06 – 00:04:10] state of mind rot. I call this the entitlement state of mind.
[00:04:11 – 00:04:19] And the simple test is that when you encounter, say for example, an argument, you disagree with
[00:04:19 – 00:04:26] somebody, what is your first response? Is your first response, I don’t like what you’re saying,
[00:04:27 – 00:04:33] I dislike what you’re saying or is it to say, okay, so that’s one way of looking at this,
[00:04:34 – 00:04:39] I have a different way of looking at it and you are very objective about it. It’s not a question of
[00:04:39 – 00:04:50] like and dislike. If for example, you suffer from the inability to concentrate, you have a short
[00:04:50 – 00:04:56] attention span, you have an attention span deficit, you are unable to concentrate on
[00:04:57 – 00:05:03] a given matter for a long period of time. Now just think about this, the words I’m using,
[00:05:03 – 00:05:14] unable, short as versus long and adequate, deficit, what does this tell you? It tells you
[00:05:14 – 00:05:20] that there is a problem and that you are, that problem lies with you. It’s with your inability
[00:05:20 – 00:05:27] to do something and therefore what must you do? You must take the medicine. You are the one who
[00:05:27 – 00:05:33] has a headache. So you must take the medicine to cure your headache. Meaning, if I don’t have an
[00:05:33 – 00:05:39] attention span that will help me to succeed because we know that in life, the only way to success is
[00:05:39 – 00:05:45] by being able to concentrate and stay with one thing, with one worthwhile thing for a long period
[00:05:45 – 00:05:52] of time until you achieve the goal. Now if you are not able to do that, then it means that there is a
[00:05:52 – 00:05:58] problem with you. So what must you do? Correct yourself, right? Get some help if you can’t do
[00:05:58 – 00:06:05] it on your own. But what is the usual response of the world today? It’s a no, no, no, no. See,
[00:06:05 – 00:06:10] the fact that the children or whoever, we tend to blame everything on children, which is completely
[00:06:10 – 00:06:18] false anyway. Children don’t have long attention spans, therefore teachers must reduce the duration
[00:06:18 – 00:06:24] of their speeches. Classes must be for short period of time. Lectures must be for not more than ten
[00:06:24 – 00:06:31] minutes and so on and so forth. So you have normalized something which was a deficiency.
[00:06:32 – 00:06:41] It’s like saying if somebody is unable to do a particular task, say you have got high jump,
[00:06:41 – 00:06:47] long jump, whatever, and somebody is not able to do that, you say lower the bar. Now what happens
[00:06:47 – 00:06:53] when you lower the bar? The whole standard drops, right? But this is what we have made
[00:06:54 – 00:06:58] as the norm in our society and that’s why society is the way it is.
[00:06:59 – 00:07:03] So instead of that, what you must say is don’t do it. Standard remains where it is.
[00:07:03 – 00:07:09] If I am unable to concentrate, I must think about and say what can I do to concentrate?
[00:07:10 – 00:07:17] How can I take it forward? How can I develop my mind in such a way that I am able to
[00:07:17 – 00:07:27] concentrate on one thing with great intensity to resolve it? That is the way to go, right? Instead
[00:07:27 – 00:07:34] of, as we call, as Ed Brattista says, the tyranny of feelings. Now very important also to understand
[00:07:35 – 00:07:44] that a feeling is something that is mine, I own it. And if I can own it, what does it mean? It
[00:07:53 – 00:07:54] means that God has made me subscribe, subscribe, like and become my supporter.
[00:07:55 – 00:07:56] Do you want to become a supporter if Iright? I don’t want to do responsibility,
[00:07:56 – 00:07:58] I don’t want to stand in front of my neighbors, I want to make a friends loveounbD or friend,
[00:07:58 – 00:08:08] friend not. I want to be the quit the palmitets, I- I had to do 3 things at a time. I want to score
[00:08:08 – 00:08:14] some money off of bank account or whatever. That’s what I think. I don’t want that, I think I
[00:08:14 – 00:08:16] into the trap that they’re setting for me.
[00:08:17 – 00:08:19] So I’m not a puppet, I’m not a puppet,
[00:08:19 – 00:08:23] I’m not going to hand over my strings
[00:08:23 – 00:08:25] to the puppeteer outside.
[00:08:26 – 00:08:30] I choose my behavior and I choose that behavior.
[00:08:31 – 00:08:36] I choose how to behave based on my intelligent decision,
[00:08:38 – 00:08:39] which is based on my wisdom,
[00:08:39 – 00:08:41] which is based on what I have taught
[00:08:41 – 00:08:43] and what I have been taught and what I learned.
[00:08:44 – 00:08:45] And so forth.
[00:08:45 – 00:08:51] Now that is the thing to think about and do
[00:08:51 – 00:08:55] and say, this is what I want to do
[00:08:55 – 00:08:57] and this is what will help me.
[00:09:02 – 00:09:05] So the tyranny of feelings, therefore,
[00:09:05 – 00:09:07] is a very big problem, right?
[00:09:07 – 00:09:10] Now what happened, another reason it happened
[00:09:10 – 00:09:13] is because we have learned or we have told ourselves
[00:09:13 – 00:09:17] that we are helpless and that whatever happens to me
[00:09:17 – 00:09:18] is because of somebody else.
[00:09:19 – 00:09:22] Now that is where we, that is the mental state
[00:09:22 – 00:09:24] we have to get out of and come back to saying,
[00:09:24 – 00:09:27] what I feel, my feelings are my feelings
[00:09:27 – 00:09:30] and they are my feelings because they are my feelings.
[00:09:31 – 00:09:34] Nobody else can make me feel this way or that way.
[00:09:34 – 00:09:36] The issue, however, is to understand
[00:09:36 – 00:09:38] the difference between feeling
[00:09:38 – 00:09:39] and the expression of those feelings.
[00:09:40 – 00:09:42] So it’s not the question of, for example, if I feel angry,
[00:09:43 – 00:09:46] I feel angry, this is a, you know, it’s a novel feeling,
[00:09:46 – 00:09:48] nothing wrong with feeling angry.
[00:09:48 – 00:09:51] In cases where you should be angry,
[00:09:51 – 00:09:53] if you don’t feel angry, there is a problem.
[00:09:54 – 00:09:57] So, but however, my choice is
[00:09:57 – 00:09:59] how do I choose to express that anger?
[00:10:00 – 00:10:01] Am I going to rave and rant?
[00:10:01 – 00:10:02] Am I going to beat up people?
[00:10:02 – 00:10:06] Am I going to, or am I going to behave in a dignified manner
[00:10:06 – 00:10:08] and tell people, look, this behavior of yours
[00:10:08 – 00:10:11] is very irritating, this behavior of yours makes me angry,
[00:10:11 – 00:10:13] makes your customers angry.
[00:10:13 – 00:10:15] So, you know, you might like to think
[00:10:15 – 00:10:16] about changing that behavior.
[00:10:17 – 00:10:19] So can I have a dialogue with somebody
[00:10:19 – 00:10:20] while I still retain my anger?
[00:10:21 – 00:10:22] And my anger is a good thing, it’s not a bad thing,
[00:10:22 – 00:10:26] but what becomes bad is if I express this anger
[00:10:26 – 00:10:30] in an inappropriate manner, right?
[00:10:30 – 00:10:32] That is very important to understand.
[00:10:32 – 00:10:36] So that is why it’s very important to be self-aware.
[00:10:41 – 00:10:43] And say, what is happening to me?
[00:10:43 – 00:10:47] Now, usually we are told, suppress those feelings,
[00:10:47 – 00:10:49] but suppression is not awareness.
[00:10:49 – 00:10:51] Suppression is actually a lie
[00:10:51 – 00:10:54] because you are saying to yourself, I’m not feeling this.
[00:10:55 – 00:10:58] But as long as you keep distancing yourself
[00:10:58 – 00:10:59] by saying, I’m not feeling, I’m not feeling,
[00:10:59 – 00:11:02] you can never control it because then you are,
[00:11:02 – 00:11:04] well, you know, according to you, you’re not feeling.
[00:11:04 – 00:11:05] So what is there to control?
[00:11:05 – 00:11:07] However, the fact remains that you are feeling
[00:11:07 – 00:11:08] and you are not feeling,
[00:11:08 – 00:11:11] and unless you accept that and own that,
[00:11:11 – 00:11:12] and say, yes, I am feeling angry,
[00:11:12 – 00:11:15] I am feeling affectionate,
[00:11:15 – 00:11:18] I am feeling sad and depressed, right?
[00:11:19 – 00:11:20] I’m feeling excited.
[00:11:20 – 00:11:22] Unless you own the feeling,
[00:11:23 – 00:11:25] then you have no control over the feeling.
[00:11:25 – 00:11:30] So what I own, what I own, what I name, I control.
[00:11:30 – 00:11:32] What I don’t own, what I don’t name
[00:11:32 – 00:11:35] or can’t name or won’t name, controls me.
[00:11:35 – 00:11:37] So if you want to control your feelings,
[00:11:37 – 00:11:40] you have to own them and you have to name them.
[00:11:40 – 00:11:43] I said, this is what is going on in my heart just now.
[00:11:43 – 00:11:47] And then take now reasoning comes into play,
[00:11:47 – 00:11:49] and you say, well, why am I feeling that way?
[00:11:49 – 00:11:51] You reflect on that, think about that and say,
[00:11:52 – 00:11:54] now what is the conscious decision
[00:11:54 – 00:11:55] that I want to take going forward
[00:11:56 – 00:11:58] if I don’t like the way I’m feeling?
[00:11:59 – 00:12:00] If I like the way I’m feeling, that’s fine,
[00:12:00 – 00:12:02] but if I don’t like the way I’m feeling,
[00:12:02 – 00:12:03] then how do I change that?
[00:12:03 – 00:12:05] By what action should I take?
[00:12:06 – 00:12:08] And then look at the pros and cons of the action,
[00:12:08 – 00:12:10] pros and cons of the methodology that you intend to do.
[00:12:11 – 00:12:14] You don’t want the solution to be worse than the problem.
[00:12:14 – 00:12:18] So that is the whole issue of the tyranny of feelings,
[00:12:18 – 00:12:20] which I believe is one of the biggest problems
[00:12:20 – 00:12:21] that we are facing today.
[00:12:22 – 00:12:23] I ask Allah, the Subhan, the Adhaar,
[00:12:23 – 00:12:25] to help us to do that which is pleasing to Him
[00:12:25 – 00:12:27] and to save us from that which does not please Him.
[00:12:27 – 00:12:31] Wasallallahu ala ala ala aliyyulkarim wa ala alihi wassalamu ala ala aliyyulkarim
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