Auto-generated transcript:
As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.
So, let’s be clear to that person and to you.
That what is happening is wrong.
What is happening, should not be happening.
The best way to do that, is just silence.
People are sensitive, and they will understand.
If you are silent about something, and then something much be wrong.
So, silence.
Don’t imply that what they’re doing is correct.
Silence can be just silence, and not such devote in silence.
Nobody.
You are silent.
as in not speaking, silence can also be of walking away from that gathering or, you know, whatever is happening.
For example, if you are in a, say you go on to a, say a wedding celebration and suddenly you find people are coming there with music and dancing,
get up and walk away. Just leave. Maybe even without taking leave of the host.
And if the host notices and asks you, then you tell him at that time. And say it in a nice way.
Say, I’m extremely sorry, I can’t remain in a place where Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala is being disobeyed.
So I left. Don’t say you are a haram khor anyway.
Committing haram and you call people and you do this. No, no, don’t, don’t accuse.
Don’t accuse, don’t blame. This is very important.
If you want feedback, adverse feedback to be accepted, put yourself in the place of the receiver and ask yourself,
how would I like to receive this feedback? Because this feedback is for my good.
And if, if somebody is saying it in a way which is so repulsive,
then how do I accept this?
How do I accept this feedback?
So say it in a way which is, which is humble.
Say it in a way where the other person sees the value in it.
And the person is not offended.
It’s not just about semantics. It’s because, for example, let me give you a physical,
he won’t do it, but I’m saying as an example.
Supposing before you’d say anything to that person, you slap them hard on the face.
And now you’re giving them advice. Do you think they will listen to that?
Because they are so,
they are now so close to you.
They are caught up in the fact that they got slapped in the face, the pain of it, the humiliation of it,
the disgrace of it, the insult of it, that no matter what you say, no matter how valuable,
how wonderful it might be, what you say will absolutely be ignored because the person is simply not capable
of dealing with what you did before you spoke.
Now, I know you will not physically slap anybody, but it amounts to the way sometimes we correct people.
It amounts to that.
It amounts to slapping them hard.
It amounts to slapping them hard.
It amounts to slapping them hard in the face.
So don’t do that because that has the sin effect of making them immune or shutting them down for whatever good you might be saying.
So say it politely, say it nicely, say it with a sense of compassion, you know, and put it to them in such a way that, you know, why would somebody like you do this thing?
It’s not becoming of you.
It’s not worthy of you.
It’s not worthy of you.
Allah has made us noble.
Allah has given us this wealth of character, which is more important than wealth of money.
Why must we destroy that?
Why are we squandering that?
You know, that kind of thing which shows that you are somebody who is concerned about the other person.
You’re not just concerned about proving your point.
You’re not just saying it in a way that you think it’s wrong.
You’re not just saying it in a way that you think it’s wrong.
You’re saying it in a way which is, which the other person finds, you know, compelled to listen to and accept.
Adverse feedback especially should be always given with, as I mentioned before, thinking, putting yourself in the position of the receiver.
And ask yourself, how would I like to receive this if I were in that position?
And say it like that.
You know, inshallah, it becomes more acceptable.
So it’s very important to share knowledge.
As I said yesterday, ensure that the knowledge you have is worth sharing.
Make sure it’s accurate.
Make sure that you got it in the right way, with the right depth and so on.
And then share it in a way which is conducive, which is beautiful, which is, you know,
helpful.
Where a person feels that, you know, really, mashallah, this person helped me and they corrected me and I’m so happy that they did that.
That’s very, very important.
That is very important.
So, like, for example, I’ll give you an example from the Salaf.
Hassan ibn Ali Raghaylanu, the grandson of Rasulullah s.a.w.
He noticed,
an elderly person who was doing wudu incorrectly.
Now, wudu is the foundation for salah.
So if your wudu is incorrect, then it means your salah is not accepted.
Because you’re not purified yourself.
So it’s a very serious matter.
But,
Sayyidina Hassan is a young person.
And this person, other one is a much older person.
So how does this young person,
correct the older person?
What Sayyidina Hassan ibn Ali Raghaylanu did was,
he said to the older person,
he said, my uncle,
can you help me?
He said, yes.
He said, I want to make sure that my wudu,
I’m doing it correctly.
So,
I will demonstrate my wudu.
I will make wudu in front of you.
Can you please look at it and correct me, tell me if I’m doing anything wrong.
So then he proceeded,
to make wudu,
obviously in the right way.
And,
the older person looking at him,
doing the wudu, realized,
the mistakes that,
he was himself making,
while making wudu.
And he realized that,
he realized what the grandson of,
Rasulullah was trying to do.
Alhamdulillah, it was done in a way which is,
not confrontative,
where the other person is not made to look small.
And obviously the man, you know,
he thanked him and he said, Alhamdulillah,
you are the grandson of the Rasulullah and shows in your akhlaq.
So it’s very important to,
when you are correcting somebody,
to ask yourself a very simple question.
And the question is,
do I want them to accept what I am saying?
Or,
am I trying to prove my superiority to them?
But this is the reason it happens.
The person correcting another person,
is not so interested,
in the other person being corrected,
the other person changing their behavior,
as they are interested in showing,
that they are superior to other person.
I know more than you,
I am more pious than you are,
I am more,
you know, whatever,
than you are my superior, I am superior to you.
That is the underlying,
may not be a statement,
but it is a statement.
It is a very intuitive intention,
but that is the underlying intention,
which becomes visible from the actions.
So you are not really interested in the,
welfare of the other person,
you are interested in showing off,
your own,
great knowledge.
Now that is extremely, extremely,
detrimental and dangerous,
because first of all, it doesn’t achieve the purpose,
the other person will not be corrected,
if you behave in this way.
And second thing is that,
Allah SWT will be,
you know, this will backfire in your face,
because you will then be,
responsible and accountable to Allah SWT for,
doing something like this, which is,
where you are,
with all of your actions,
somebody is not being corrected,
that cannot be corrected,
not because of the fact,
not because you said something wrong,
but because of the way you said it.
So very important to,
keep this in mind, we ask Allah to,
help us to behave in ways which are,
beneficial for us,
and which will be,
a witness and guide,
for ourselves,
and,
source of benefit for us,
when we meet Allah.
May Allah bless you all.
May Allah bless you all.
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