Marriage in Islam

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In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. All praise belongs to Allah, the Lord of the worlds.
And peace and blessings be upon the honorable Prophet Muhammad and upon his companions.
My dear respected brothers, sisters, elders.
The topic of my khutbah today is marriage in Islam.
And there are two reasons for that. One is that
this month and next month we seem to have a spate of those who are
who seem to be absolutely determined to commit matrimony.
So I thought maybe it’s a good idea to give them some idea of what it means.
And secondly, this khutbah is, and the one in Baitul Salam,
is part of a global khutbah for this Jummah
on the subject of Islam, which was started by the Jum’ah Talma South Africa.
And for the same reason, which is the amount of absolute proliferation of marriages going bad.
And marriages breaking up. So this is a very important part.
It’s not simply essential for the young people that every time they see a sheikh,
they say, sheikh, please make dua, I should get married.
And then one month later,
they say, sheikh, please make dua, I should get married. And then one month later,
they say, sheikh, please make dua, I should get married. And then one month later,
whatever. Marriage is perhaps the most important relationship that you are likely to enter into
in your life, but also the most complicated.
So the first thing to get out of your mind is that marriage is simple. It’s not simple.
It’s very complicated. And you can make your marriage and your home a heaven on earth,
or a living hell. That choice is in your hands alone.
By you, I mean the husband and the wife. Nobody else. It is your choice alone.
And it is a choice. So choose wisely because you will have to live with it. Not anybody else.
Allah said in His Kitab al-Qur’an al-Kareem,
Wa min ayatihi an khalaqa lakum min anfusih,
wa min ayatihi an khalaqa lakum min anfusih,
And from His verses, Allah said,
Allah said in His Kitab al-Qur’an al-Kareem,
Wa min ayatihi an khalaqa lakum min anfusih,
kum azwajah,
li taskunu ilayha,
wa ja’ala baynakum mawaddatun wa rahmah,
inna fee thalika la ayatin li qawmin yatafakkaroon.
In Surah Ar-Rum, Allah said,
among His signs, and Allah called this one of His signs, Jalla Shah Anhu,
and among His signs is this that He creates for you mates out of your own kind.
So that, and Allah is now,
mentioning three reasons for this.
So that you find contentment, sukoon with them.
And then He said, and therefore He puts in that relationship,
mawadda wa rahmah, love and mercy between you.
Inna fee thalika la ayatin li qawmin yatafakkaroon.
And behold in this, there are signs and messages for people,
And behold in this, there are signs and messages for people,
who receive the blessings of Allah,
who reflect and think, people who have intelligence.
As I’m sure most of you know, if you don’t know,
you should be aware that in Islam, marriage is a legal contract.
The khutba for the marriage and all of that is icing on the cake.
The marriage is valid even if there is no khutba.
It’s a legal contract between two people in the presence of two witnesses after the payment of mahram.
It’s a legal contract between two people in the presence of two witnesses after the payment of mahram.
The witnesses, the best of the witnesses is Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala Himself.
And the ones making that contract will be accountable to Him.
It is therefore essential to understand what they are contracting to do.
The ayat of the Quran, which I recited before you, speaks about the institution of marriage
and mentions specifically three features that Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala blessed it with.
Allah used three words in this ayah.
The first word that Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala used is sukoon.
And Allah says,
وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْقَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُونُوا إِلَيْهَا
And among His signs is this that He creates for you mates out of your own kind,
so that you may find sukoon with them.
Sukoon is a word which we also use in Urdu.
So those of you who know Urdu, you know what it means.
In Arabic, in the diacritical marks, the symbols on the letters, which are added to the letters
to modify their pronunciation and meaning, they indicate how the letter is to be pronounced.
Fatha, dhamma, kathra and sukoon, these are called haraka.
The word haraka means the word that is used in the Quran.
It is the word that is used in the Quran.
Haraka in Urdu, harkat means movement.
So fatha, dhamma, kathra shows whether the letter is to be pronounced as A, E or O.
Sukoon is the opposite of haraka.
Sukoon is the absence of movement.
So when there is a sukoon on a letter, that letter is going over.
That letter is in the same place.
Sukoon is the opposite of haraka.
Sukoon is the absence of movement.
Sukoon is the absence of movement.
Sukoon is the absence of movement.
Sukoon Jeffery is you.
Sukoon is the absence of movement.
Sukoon is the absence of movement.
Sukoon is the absence of movement.
Sukoon is in the possibilites.
Sukoon is the absence of movement.
Sukoon is the absence of movement.
Sukoon is the absence of movement.
Sukoon-a-tha.
Sukoon Bachit ja p vedereho.
Sukoon is the absence of movement.
Sukoon is the absence of movement, which changes.
Sukoon is the absence of movement, which is different from movement.
Sukoon Bharata, trid-i-ni.
Sukoon in the Divine shows the absence of movement.
So such a passage about Sukoon is the context of movement.
Sukoon will go on, or it will go on in our lives too.
with them so that we may find contentment and tranquility with them. The first condition of
the contract is that the spouses are promising to each other that they will henceforth lead their
lives in such a way that they will make their companionship, their home, their being together
and their support for one another a source of contentment and sukoon for each other.
They are making Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala the witness that henceforth they will not look
elsewhere other than towards each other for the fulfillment of all the requirements of marriage.
That their eyes and ears and hearts and hands and feet will not stray away from their spouse.
That is the meaning of faithfulness and fidelity and loyalty and devotion to one another in a
marriage.
A relationship that is devoid of these qualities is not only not a marriage, it is not even a
relationship.
I ask Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala to give all those who are here and all those who will
listen to this khutbah sukoon with their spouses.
I submit to you and remind you that it’s never too late to start a new page in your life.
That is a sign of emotional maturity and it is a sign of taqwa.
Marriage also means that both spouses will try to create a home which is a place of sukoon,
which they look forward to returning every day.
The home must be like a harbor into which the ship which has sailed the high seas,
braved storms, withstood the battering of waves and winds finally finds safety.
How would it be if instead of saying,
safety, tranquility, healing, comfort and consolation, the ship meets a storm which
has not only been brewing in the harbor, but it is custom made for that ship.
A storm that knows all the weaknesses of the ship.
Because in the harbor, all defenses are down, all shields lowered, all weapons sheathed.
If that is not happening,
if the weapon must remain drawn, the shield still raised,
and eyes darting in all directions trying to detect threats,
and ears listening for sounds of alarm, then what kind of sanctuary is that?
That is a wolf’s den.
It’s a lion’s cave.
It’s not a safe harbor for a ship.
It’s not a family home.
Let us ask ourselves,
What is the purpose of this?
What we have in our marriages and in our homes?
Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala intended for us to have peace and harmony and mutual respect.
It is for us to protect it if we have it, and to bring it back if we lost it.
And as I said, the rest of your life begins now.
That is what shukun means in a Muslim marriage.
The second word that Allah says,
the third word that Allah used in this ayah is
al-mawaddah
where He said,
wa ja’ala baynakum mawaddah
and He puts love between you.
This refers to the love that spouses have for one another.
This love is both physical and emotional.
Love is an outcome of respect.
We cannot love someone for whom we feel no respect.
It is essential therefore for the spouses to pay attention to the good from each other.
And to forgive mistakes.
The spouses are like mirrors to each other.
They reflect what they see, but they must be mirrors with selective memory.
Remember the good, forgive the mistakes.
Write the good from your spouse in stone, and write their mistakes in dust.
One memory remains lifelong while the other is blown away by the first breeze that comes.
I believe this is the single most important secret of a good marriage.
To have this selective memory for good and amnesia for bad.
Learn the lesson, but forgive the action.
Unfortunately, many people have the opposite attitude,
which is the root cause of all problems.
Good is taken for granted as your right,
while any mistake is seen as a premeditated crime and treated accordingly.
It is stockpiled.
And it is brought out at the first possible instance.
Islam advises the opposite.
To forgive not once, but seventy times every day without reservation.
For the spouse, their companion must be their best friend.
Their best friend must not be some outsider.
Not the mother-in-law, not the father-in-law,
not your best friend from your family.
Not the teacher from school,
who is made privy to all secrets,
and whose advice is sought in the dead of the night,
or from password-protected screens,
about how to deal with the one who should have been the closest confidant.
It is strange how the illogicality of password protection
in a relationship that embodies trust is not glaringly obvious.
When there is trust,
there is no need for secret passwords.
The marriage is a contract where the spouses are undertaking
to make each other their best friends from this day on.
It is important, however, to remember
that friendship is only as good as the amount of investment,
the amount of time you spend in it.
It’s not magic.
It’s not automatic.
It doesn’t just happen.
It must be made consciously.
It must be done with effort.
And the results are directly proportionate to the investment.
It is necessary to spend time with your spouse,
not with your friend in some club.
It is necessary to develop common interests.
It is necessary to take pleasure in each other’s work and activity.
It is necessary to support each other in all that is good.
It is necessary to ensure that you give feedback
with care and concern,
and never in public.
It is essential to remember that between spouses
there are no defenses because there is trust.
And for that reason, it is essential for the spouses
to exercise special care in dealing with each other’s emotions.
It is necessary to build a language together,
a language of looks and words and signs,
a language that over time becomes almost magical
in how it enables one spouse to know
what the other is feeling without explanation.
A language which is a joy to see
when you look at those who have been happily married for many years.
It is necessary to consciously remember
the good that your spouse does for you,
especially when they are having a bad day
and when they are acting strange.
This is the love that Allah talks about
when He says that He has put it between the spouses.
It is there, but sometimes it is buried
under cultural norms and stereotypes and prejudice
and emotional immaturity.
It is there, but sometimes it is buried between cultural norms and stereotypes and prejudice and emotional immaturity.
It is there, but sometimes it is buried between cultural norms and stereotypes and emotional immaturity.
And it needs to be dug out.
Like one digs out buried treasure.
Effort must be made for reserves.
I advise couples to keep an A4 size notebook
on a table in a place where you pass by many times a day.
In that, write what you appreciated
in the other person in that period.
Some words, some actions, some gifts.
But only positive things.
When you read what each of you has written, then write a little comment.
Not WhatsApp, in a notebook.
Draw a picture, press a flower or something like that to show that the comment was read
and appreciated.
If there is anything critical to be said, then that must be spoken face to face or not
at all.
And I recommend that if you decide to speak that face to face, proceed that by praying
tahajjud that morning and asking Allah for his help.
This must be followed by introspecting on all the times when one may have done or said
something similar or worse and seek Allah’s forgiveness.
Naturally, if you don’t seek the forgiveness of your spouse, you must do that right away
because Allah will not forgive a transgression against a person until that person forgives
that first.
If the matter still survives all of this, then you may speak about that face to face.
And this is the whole etiquette about how that is to be done.
I won’t go into it now, but most welcome.
If you are interested, ask me and I will tell you.
The last word that Allah used in this ayah is rahmah.
Wa ja’ala baynakum mawaddatau wa rahmah.
Mercy.
Rahmah is a special quality of Allah Himself.
He is Ar-Rahman.
It’s the mercy that He, Jalla Jalaluhu, has given us.
He is the mercy that He has given us.
Allah, Allah, Jalla Jalaluhu shows to His creation, even when they don’t deserve it.
Rahmah, mercy is the foundation of forgiveness.
When you forgive, it means that injustice has been done to you.
And while you had the choice to demand justice and extract retribution and expect compensation,
you chose not to do that.
Instead, you forgive the person.
It is something of such high honor and high pride.
We have an example of such an example.
It is a lot of people who are in a state of disbelief.
They are living in a state of disbelief.
They are living in a state of disbelief.
honor that it is an
attribute of the one who
is all powerful and
he can take revenge.
He is al-muntaqim
and he can punish.
He is al-jabbar.
He is al-qahhar.
But he is
ghaforu rahim.
He chooses not to do that. He chooses
to forgive. And we ask him for
his mercy. Allah
used this word
to describe the relationship between
the spouses in the marriage.
We are merciful to those who we feel
responsible for.
We are merciful to our own children
whereas we may not exercise the same mercy
for other people’s children.
But when you are a teacher in a school
and other children
become your wards,
you become merciful to them
because they are in your class.
The word rahma in the
context of marriage draws
our attention to the responsibility that
spouses have for one another.
It draws attention to the fact that
over the years, each has made a lifetime
of investment in the other.
To show rahma is to be merciful,
is to honor that investment,
and to thank the other for making it,
not to take this for granted.
Rahma is also the quality when for
reasons of life and destiny or health
or some other reason, one of the spouses
is unable to look after the other
or to satisfy them.
The other one still takes
the responsibility of the other.
Rahma is the quality of the other.
The other still treats him or her
with love and respect and mercy.
Rahma is to give
without asking for return.
To give because the greatest
pleasure lies in giving itself.
Marriage in Islam
is therefore
a commitment made to each other
of integrity, fidelity,
love, respect and mercy.
The spouses are making this promise to each other
in the presence of Allah
who is the witness to all our thoughts
and intentions and actions.
I ask Allah
to grant us all the qualities
to make our marriages the blessing
that Allah intended them to be for us.
I ask Allah
to fill our hearts with mercy
and respect for each other
and to make us aware
of our own weaknesses
long before we start becoming aware
of other people’s.
I remind myself anew that
all of this will happen only when we understand
that it doesn’t
just happen.
You must make it.
It is in your hands.
It is your life.
Make it as happy
as you wish.

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